day three.

i just took my pill. about a half hour ago anyway. i'm thinking that the night might be the best time. and last night being the first time i took it at night, i did not have my usual freak out about death or dying, however, i might tonight since i am thinking about it now. see. that's the thing with trying to pay attention to your actions. you really start to notice when you do them. so for instance, when i don't remember to freak about about something and then i remember that i didn't freak out about it, then i probably will start to cause now i'm thinking about it.

comprendo? no? me neither.

today started early, the same as yesterday. but instead of sleeping on the couch while the baby ate, i just drank coffee and sat on facebook for four hours. fuck. i hate myself. i don't need to be on that fucking thing so much. i wish i could just forget about the whole thing entirely. but then what good would that do really? make me feel more lonely than i already do, i'm guessing.

and that list i wrote yesterday? yeah. about that. i got about ten christmas cards printed, only four addressed and filled out, two loads of laundry completed (at least that's DONE now....minus the folding and putting away part) and did the dishes in the sink while my hashbrowns cooked. i didn't, however, do the comforter (which is sitting right next to me......gag), or anything else. i have, however, been obsessed about getting the pictures together for the calender, the whole time just KNOWING i'm going to have to deal with melena being a fucking asshole about it. "there's not enough pictures of connor (she doesn't give a shit about logan, let's be honest) and the size of the pictures and how old they are and blah blah blah". fucking jerk. DISLIKE her. so, somehow, i'm going to need to evenly distribue 35 photographs of 7 children (not too hard, five a piece) but then they're are photo's of them together. how do you split that shit up? ugh. this might be too much for a 17 dollar christmas present.

tomorrow. i really, really, need to get out of the house tomorrow. i don't even go get the MAIL that's how much of a hermit i've turned into. AND i'm pretty sure that i can't remember the last time i showered. FUN! tomorrow will be thursday, and i think it might have been friday. of last week. woopsie.

so. first thing tomorrow. i need to ball that baby up, throw him in his stroller, throw my sneakers on, and go for a walk. because this isn't good. for either of us.

and then work. unless, i can get kim to cover my shift. i'm sure she would. she's that much of a suckbag.